The Art of Being a Cheevo Whore
by Kirishtu
Summary: Thantoss has a great idea. He recruits Clouddreamer and Schio to help him. Problem is, he doesn't tell them what he's recruiting them for.


The Art of Being a Cheevo Whore

The first words out of Thanatoss' mouth when they had arrived that evening were "Trust me."

Clouddreamer eyed Thanatoss from head to toe. It wasn't hard to do, as the Tauren druid towered over his two companions by a good head and shoulders or so. "The last time you told us to trust you, we had our faces smashed in by mogu," he told the orc warrior.

"That was just a fluke." Thantaoss replied.

"Well, I distinctly remember being the only one left alive after that," said the third member of the small group, the blood elf warlock, Schio, "so I'll trust him."

Clouddreamer snorted. "You're giving someone your trust based on if they get you killed or not?"

"Yep!"

Thanatoss smiled. "C'mon Cloud. It'll be easy. And I promise we won't die this time."

Clouddreamer sighed. "Fine."

Thanatoss led the small group through the shadowed streets of Dalaran. The only lights came from the street lamps, lit to allow late-night arrivals or departures to see where they were going in the mage-city. Thanatoss and the others had been walking these streets since they had joined the other Horde and Alliance warriors who had come here to face the Lich King and the Scourge. A little more navigable than the streets of Orgrimmar, certainly. But since Clouddreamer and Schio hadn't the slightest clue where they were going, it was up to Thanatoss to lead his companions to where they needed to be. Schio and Clouddreamer were usually amicable to whatever adventure Thanatoss wanted to go on, but even he wasn't sure they'd be all too willing to follow him if they knew what he wanted them to do.

Clouddreamer was too gentle and soft-spoken.

And Schio...

Well.

Thanatoss looked back at the blonde blood elf and gave a little shudder at the 'I'm game' smile the warlock had plastered on his face. Schio would probably follow Thanatoss to the end and blow everything to bits along the way.

The orc warrior finally stopped before the closed doors of the Violet Citadel. This late at night, practically no one was allowed into the building, save for those who served the Archmage and her consort, and the Kirin Tor, directly. Knowing this, the orc looked left and right, looking to see if there were any guards nearby. Not finding any, Thanatoss led his small party around the base of the tower until they were directly beneath a large ledge.

"Okay," Thanatoss turned to Schio. "You have your Vial of the Sands, right?"

"Always," Schio tapped the small, golden, dust-filled vial hanging from his throat.

"Good. Transform and get us up there."

"Kay." Schio stepped back from the mage and druid, and clasped his hand around the Vial. A muted golden glow appeared around the elf's body. First his skin began to harden, turning to golden sandstone. Bony protrusions pushed out of his back, becoming wings. Then his body began to enlarge, bones snapping and rearranging, and fusing together again until he was no longer a blood elf but a sandstone dragon that towered over Clouddreamer and Thanatoss.

"Doesn't that hurt?" Clouddreamer asked.

Schio's draconic shoulders lifted in a shrug. "I'm used to it."

"Masochist."

"Shut up."

Schio crouched low so Thanatoss could climb onto his back. Clouddreamer watched, then shifted to shapeshift himself.

"No!" Thanatoss said sharply, stopping Clouddreamer. "Only Schio needs to transform."

Clouddreamer frowned. "Why?"

"The wards won't detect the magic the Vial contains." The orc warrior explained. "They'll detect everything else."

"Thana, what exactly in the name of the Earth Mother are we doing?" Cloud asked, raising his arms so Schio could wrap a claw around him.

"An achievement." Thanatoss said delightfully.

Cloud sighed deeply. "Of course."

Schio launched upwards, carrying his two friends through the air until they were hovering over the balcony. He passed through a shimmery barrier and hovered for a minute, straining his draconic ears for the sound of an alarm. Upon hearing nothing, he slowly descended. Once Cloud and Thanatoss were clear, Schio resumed his natural form.

"Now what?" Schio asked.

"Follow me." said Thanatoss.

It was easy enough for Thanatoss to break the lock on the glass doors closing the balcony off from the room behind them. It was a classroom of sorts, perhaps a drawing room for mages to gather and chit-chat or do whatever mages did behind closed doors. Thanatoss quickly crossed the room to the door that opened into an empty hallway. He signaled the others and entered the hallway, hurrying without trying to hurry down the hall. He struggled to keep the sound of his plate boots from hitting the stones to a mere whisper and knew Schio was doing the same. But Cloud...

_Clop clop clop_

Thanatoss stopped and gave Cloud a hard stare. "How long are you gonna keep announcing our presence to the whole damn place?" he hissed.

A moment later, Cloud was quietly slinking along on four silent kitty paws, ears drooped sulkily as Schio snickered, the sound muffled behind his hands.

"We really need a hunter." Cloud whispered.

"Would you really trust a hunter in this situation?" Schio asked.

Cloud thought about it for a moment. "No, no I wouldn't."

"Shh!" Thanatoss hissed. The warlock and druid looked at each other, then wisely kept their mouths shut, since neither of them wanted to become the freshest coat of paint on the walls.

They crept through the hallway, and through the one after that, fighting to keep silent as they stealthily made their way toward where Thanatoss wanted to be. They had to hide once or twice from a guard patrolling the otherwise empty halls. Finally, they reached a hallway with only one door. The three approached slowly, not wanting to trigger traps or be detected by spells. They stopped a few feet shy of the door. Thanatoss reached to touch the wood, then jumped back with an aborted yelp as a tentacle snaked past him and adhered to the door.

Thanatoss whirled on Schio. "Don't call out your fucking fel puppy without some warning first!"

"Awh, you hear that, Maadhon?" Schio said quietly with a huge evil grin on his face. "Thana's _afraid_ of you. Why don't you give him a kiss?"

Thanatoss' green skin paled as Maadhon the Felhound turned to look at him, mouth open and tongue hanging out in a doggy grin. "Schio, I will fucking _murder_ him, I swear."

"Jeez, relax." Schio said dismissively. "He knows not to hurt his friends."

"Do you?" Cloud asked.

"Only if they're mind-controlled." Schio said cheerily.

Both Cloud and Thanatoss sighed.

A moment later, Maadhon's sucker popped off the door and the wood gave a whisper of a creak as the door eased open. Maadhon gave a burp before Schio dismissed him. A second after, a glowing green Eye of Kilrogg darted between the crack in the door.

"It's empty." Schio reported. "It looks like someone's bedroom."

Thanatoss pushed open the door and hurried inside, heading straight for the wardrobe. He pulled open the double doors, then began opening and closing drawers as quickly as he could. Schio and Cloud remained by the door, half keeping watch and half watching their friend rifle through what looked like women's clothing.

"Got it!" Thanatoss hissed in victory, closing a large green hand around something before he closed the drawer then the wardrobe. "Let's go!"

The three all but bolted out of the room, and back through the halls they had quietly snuck through before they reached the classroom they'd entered from and ran for the balcony, pausing long enough for Schio to open a Demonic Portal from the balcony to the street. One touch to the portal, and the three warped from the balcony to the street, then bolted away from the Citadel as though Varian Wrynn himself was chasing them.

Finally safe in the Horde part of Dalaran and hiding in a room at the inn, Cloud and Schio turned to Thanatoss. "All right, Thana," Cloud panted. "What did you steal, and what achievement was it for?"

Thanatoss grinned wide. He hooked his fingers in the elastic band and held up his prize.

**[Thanatoss] has earned the achievement [Panty Thief]**

**[Clouddreamer] has earned the achievement [Panty Thief]**

**[Schio] has earned the achievement [Panty Thief]**

Cloud's jaw dropped. Thanatoss grinned wider, continuing to hold up the small triangle of sheer black lace that couldn't decently call itself panties without losing all its dignity first.

Schio dug through one of his packs and removed the small book that kept detailed notes on his accomplishments and tracked the things he still had to do. "Successfully steal Lady Jaina Proudmoore's panties during the 'Secret Mission in Dalaran' scenario." he read.

Cloud pressed a hand to his face and groaned.

Thanatoss just kept grinning. "Booyah, bitches."


End file.
